MONSOON

So, as time braces the body and cleanses the soul,
One sits and reflects, over cups of tea,
(Clove tea with Threptin biscuits on Susan's porch)
That all is not lost


And yet, the heart still yearns
For those days, when rains brought unexpected holidays
When recklessness of the mind was the important thing
And you tell me,
“Why do you always get so philosophical during sunsets and rains?”


And then it comes
In beautiful fragments of frightful dreams
Her face comes back
In swollen wounds and cries
And Reveries and yawns and sighs


“Whose face?”, you ask, “Winnie?”
No
But the one that I never told you about
The girl who didn't look beautiful until she smiled
Gold teeth and a tune for this town
Were all in her mouth
What whispers passed
Beneath spiraled fingers
And stockinged feet


Of all my disintegrating memories,
Hers is the most vivid
She comes to me with the clarity of a painter
In Elysian Fields
Like an invisible madness


Even in my room
She had worn her rose tinted, heart shaped sunglasses
Lest someone should recognize her
And the strains of “Sound of Silence”, still echoes in my ears
Room no. 1883
We almost eloped
Why didn't we?
(We were sixteen.
Are you kidding me?)


There are nights Susan, when I want to talk to her
I want to wake her up and tell her
That I'm now six feet one inch tall
That my hair is no longer brown
That I grew up and became a filmmaker
That I have finally found a place I can call home
Film sets or otherwise,
I hope,
She has too


Even today, there is a wind that blows from the north
From the Mussourie of nine years ago
Her face in the pouring window
I remember that afternoon better than I remember whole years
I never saw her again in my life
That had been my first encounter with loss and pain


And yet Susan,
One sits and reflects, over cups of tea, that
The world is very big
Our sorrows too small
And we have to think of this life
That this-
This is,
An adventure.