EXPOSED

Here you are standing on the shore in Maldives
Hair blowing in the wind
You're in the foreground
Looking not at me, but to the left
At something, out of the frame

You are squinting at the camera in the winter afternoon sun
Trying to read a book that you snatched away from me
I think it was PGW
I remember
This was the day just after the college exams

You look sleepy in the third one
I really don't remember where this was taken
I only recall being mad after this had come out
Why did you always have to blink
Just at the wrong time?

Now, this one; this is my favorite
This is when Buzz had come to India
It has you in the peacock blue cashmere
You're standing with your arms folded
And head, tilted defiantly to the left... no, no,... right
You're not smiling
But your eyes have never looked as blue

This fifth is either in Rishikesh or Rudraprayag
I forget where exactly
But it's the place with the delphiniums near the market
That 'grow so incredibly high'
This was the time I was falling in love
I don't think I've ever told you before
That you look smashing in pink

And here's one taken at Holi in our old house
I think it remains one of the few times
That you ever posed for a picture
Even during this, you kept saying how pretentious you thought it was to pose
And I remember trying to convince you for hours
To just look at the camera, decently
(Without you scowling or throwing your tongue at me)
But even here, your face is camouflaged
By your twenty two colors

Then we come to the seventh picture
Your arm is half raised, in protest
You had been angry about this particular one
Your hair is unkempt
Your lips ill defined
And this is when you started putting on weight
But you still ooze a certain, good witch charm
And incredibly,
You manage to look beautiful
Even in your morning face

Here's a rare one of you
In black and white
You had cut your hair short like a boy
I think 2003 was perhaps the year
You looked the sexiest
There are five of you in this photograph
I suddenly realize now, three are dead

I think the ninth one marks the beginning of the end in some ways
See, for the first time, your eyes; your normally talkative eyes, are forlorn
And I don't think you love me as much anymore
You're standing on the Howrah bridge in the night
And the city scattered behind you
I think the lighting is amazing

I remember the last one was taken hastily to get your passport made
At Sweetie studio in Mugalsarai
With an artificial forest background;
This, in keeping with the very nature of passport photographs
Doesn't look like you

At all