(A) “CASE OF VERONICA’S TEARS”

Excerpts from the diary of Veronica Ray (2008)


"Your honor, I’m representing Ms. Winnie Banks
In case number two filed against Ronnie’s dad
The couple is now separated
And the joint estate’s been probated
The alimony will cover the court fee.”
“Mr. Attorney!
What was their divorce plea?”


…Irreconcilable Differences…
I know many difficult words
They permeate my senses
Disorientation reigns
Sympathies feigned
With clucking of tongues


Like my most hated uncle, Winslow
Who I see watching from the back of the row
His brown pullover almost camouflaged
By the mahogany of the room
And a few of my parent’s friends
One of whom I recognize from my last birthday party
Because of his rockabilly hair
Baba never liked him either


It’s just like in the movies here
And Perry Mason novels
Murder trials
I see the court draughtsman capturing the scene
I see the Baillie typing furiously his transcripts
If I am to think later that all this was maybe a nightmare
They’ll show me the pictures and the canvas
And remind me that it wasn’t


Justice is wearing a robe but not a wig
Justice is blind….and deaf and dumb
His files fall with sharp claps or dull thuds
Depending on their weight
Today, I’m told, that he and I
Will decide my fate


Meanwhile….
Argumentative chatterboxes
Talking without speaking
In their blacks and whites
Mamma clasps my hand tightly
I see Baba’s tears
And I remember their fights


I used to pretend to be asleep alone
One afternoon, Mamma left home
And I was forced to accompany her
Like a useless decaying rag doll
Come to think of it, even today
I was forced to miss geography
Order, order!


The judge has a benevolent face
With rotund laugh lines near his crinkling eyes
Any second now
He’ll condemn me to the Dickensian workhouse
“Rigorous Imprisonment for having your agonized your parents
With your sheer mockingbird existence! ”
And then he’ll laugh!


The first few hours have been rather eventless
Now, they’re beckoning me to the stand
I’ll say the whole truth and nothing but the…..
“Veronica, dear, I know this must be very difficult for you
But I want you to tell this court whom you want to stay with”
………….
Silence
…………
I looked at them
One in her Swarowski crystals and the other in his vintage suit
I shouldn’t judge them
Both undoubtedly loved me and me them
…………...
Silence
…………..


And then, as soon as I had the chance, I blurted out
“Baba!”
“But, even after knowing that he’s an alcoholic…
Your honor, I move to strike!
I present Exhibit A-
Max doesn’t have a job and he cannot possibly take care of a…”
“Order, order!’,
Said the kind judge-
“She has made her choice and the case is closed“


Mamma and I shared a long, last, devastating caress
She smiled understandingly
I could see her once a week at her place
But I can still see her every night in my sweet dreams
Her face at the power window of her limousine


I pondered just for a second for what I had refused
And what I may someday miss
All about my mother
But someone else had needed me more that day
And as he held my hand and we walked back home
I felt, that finally, at long lastJustice had been served